Forget me, I'm a scrap

Forget me
I'm a broken part...
of a mirror?
of a glass bottle?

(Chivas Regal-Jonnie Walker- Royal Salute?)
where u got reflected-were on a high...or whatever!
Forget me the moment i stop being the same
I might have lagged being
became blurred.
do not sympathise
even if it is out of fear for urself.
Be insensitive to my whispers, i might be calling u back!

Forget us too.we might have been together
for a useful cause
be the meaning and go on
for us, if i'm not there, u r not one u r me too.

lake and me...

And on a windy evening
i opened my door





resisting
murmers of wind


to find the depth and stillness
staying together



in a lake with thousands of inhabitants.


I got stuck.


stuck not like a lake.
just the opposite.



The agony of being a fragment;
a wiery line, not in sync with my poet
every time i see a lake, I'm sick with poverty.

Not being in communion.

Lake
is also lack.
lack of wanting to move;so perfect in itself ;
not afraid to be vulnerable:
you can shake; anyone can!
it nods and dances.

I open my door
with a heart desiring more and more
to see the sun reluctant to be on the surface
the mist covering it
as if the reflection might disturbe
everyone of us afraid but not the lake.

I
a feminist
with a room of my own*
so poor that i need something to hold on
to be inside
and to fense around.

(*remember what woolf said?)

Married to:

My marriage
will have ceremony.
My mother will accompany me
till the earth(with a wreath?)
She will lend me to the earth's cradle
slowly to be degenerated and might murmer
"come back"
I must be happy
to die atleast once for her
coz, I never died in life(for anyone).
never married.
My mother will have a chance
to leave me
to lose me as she ever dreamt, to say she's got her daughter married to.

Why I say I am :) as if I'm being (how silly), not becoming

Conversation with Jobin.

Form.
I think form is the issue.
We can put it without cutting edges
Beautifying it
And then spare it
Which is more painful?
Just mentioning the plain saves much.
But we miss out
aesthetics of it.

Lake

Lake
is also lack.
Lack of movement.

You can shake;
anything can.


It responds
It is that vulnerable.
just fearless of stability.





far in me...fear


and agony
of stillness.


.. of not being in it.


Even the morning sun
is reluctant to appear on it.
And mist covers
and asks it not to reflect.
And I?

I go on
asking each star
to be in...
Every time I look into
I feel ashamed of poverty.

It's inside
Only when I saw you out RE
THERE
in the rain
stripped
did i utter it.
It was beautiful
The Name.
I never knew it was there indepth.
life.

you know you are there
in the mist
trying to reach out
to their earth
plants are waiting
for ur beam
your lifegiving force
your strength
everything is there
And you are here
hidden in the mist
amidst relationships.
you are being strangles
not knwoing what to give and what to resist
even refuse
not knowing what to preserve
to this day
to be in you.

mixing up

i mix up too many things.
all because of ignorance.
sometimes
i dont even know
how to be democratic- cum -assertive
So to put in another way
I can be a passive democratic person
or an active undemocratic assertive one.
To take a step further
i need to know...
how to break the bubbles and
be in the air.
to flow naturally into these states
of democracy
and assertiveness.

so...how to live?

I asked myself how to live
Alone?
or with someboday
or in a commune?
First i wanted to foster my thoughts
being with myself
i was afraid i will end up with a boosted ego.
I didn't know how to deal with it.
I decided to be with.
BEing with helps check out..watch out that stupid ego.
But often you decieve yourself.
i still don't know how to deal with it.
it's like u need a consciousness behind,
a presence felt,
everywhere u go-
everything you do.
oh how miserable
If otherwise you go opposit-
the will
the known.

Dealing with....

So what has been tough for me as a feminist?
One thing is
BEing with someone who loves you
and ofcourse,
you love too...especially when it's a male
and feminist tooo.
There r moments of self respect when you r in love
but as much contempt when you seek to be in love
and fails
and finds fault with the other.

As this goes
between decisions to be alone to be together
to be together by lonliness
to be different and in different locations...
as it goes...like a game

i observe
and reflect my actions:
you hide behind the walls
looks whether(oh i detest it)
he is there
you seek him
if you r obstinate you find him there
wherever you want
with approving eyes.

It is touching
finding yourself in love
but as much tough to be detached adding to love.

women feminists

Feminist women are afraid of so many things:
They try to prove they are strong
and end up as hypocrats
They try to prove they are strong
by choking their expression
by hiding tears under throats.

I heard them proclaim
"I don't cry"
"did you think I'm weak as to be sad of this?'
"y did Vinaya cry;and y did she resist and react if she can't take up struggle without crying"

My Gawd!
i can't tolerate this.
I do cry
in public
on the dining
day or night...
n can't imagine crying in the bathroom
with the four walls to enhance ur pain
orhte heart to harden with pain,despair and dust.

I'm a feminist
who believes
all expressions are strength.

I cry
i smile
i kiss
i make love
oh

I ,a feminist

I
a feminist
detest saying
women are the one to be freed from the fetters of patriarchy :)
Let men be free from patriarchy
Help men to be free from patriarchy.

Women will escape being schezophrenic
either for freedom
or for staying conformed.

So dears, darlings...
what do u think of this position?
that women have been passive so long?

I am

This is where I start to be I am.I am moving towards a language of my own from the flux.Excuse me, this might not reach out to the language u know, gramar,style,labels...whatever!I have not been in touch with Hindi English or Malayalam writings, not been a reader!
Y English lost its vocabulary,grammar...My Hindi too.I have a malayalam with me which enters too many slangs everydy that i don't speak a defenite Malayalam...ok let it be.I am saying of another language too.
Obscure?